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Unproduced Screenplay #4: "The Most Gullible Man in America" (2000)

My fourth unproduced screenplay is a comedy about a man named Abraham Lincoln (no relation to the president) who decides to dramatically change his life after finding out he has one week to live from being exposed to a dangerous sexually transmitted disease in prison (involuntarily) after being falsely accused of murdering a nun.

This scene takes place at the end of the film.  Our hero, Abraham Lincoln, has just found out he's not dying of a rare STD from being raped in prison and after breaking up a conspiracy by his wife and brother to use his money to fund deviant sexual experimentation, he arrives at the hotel where Lana, the girl he's truly in love with, works. 

I'm not sure what I'm more proud of.  Being able to pay tribute to a classic moment in Dirty Dancing, one of my favorite films, or the final line of this scene "That penis gave me life and I don't ever plan on giving it back."

Click on each page to read.

 

 

 

 

Next up, my first television script for: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Unproduced Screenplay #3: "Loving Drew" (2000)

My third unproduced screenplay tells the age old story of a detective who falls in love... with a devil worshipper.

This scene takes place during a police raid of a devil worshiping ceremony where John, the detective, runs into Drew, the devil worshipper.

Click on each page to read.

Next up, another comedy:  The Most Guillible Man in America

Unproduced Screenplay #2: "Lie of Youth" (1999)

My second unproduced screenplay was a drama inspired by one of my favorite films, 1980's Ordinary People.   

Lie of Youth is the story of Daniel, a popular college senior who is expelled after his fraternity is involved in a hazing incident where a freshman accidentally dies. When he moves back home he finds himself falling for Emily, the high school sweetheart of the boy who died. 

This scene takes place at a park playground between Daniel and Chris, his best friend from high school as Chris reminisces about the past.

Click on each page to read.




Next up, my first comedy: Loving Drew

Unproduced Screenplays

Happy new year loyal blog reader! (You know who you are.) I know I've been slacking on this blog of late. That's mostly because I've been going on a lot of bad dates. But fear not because it's a new year. So besides a whole new slew of women who will cause me insurmountable pain, frustration, humiliation and different crescendo's of heartbreak, I promise to be a more active blogger.

And unlike that Laura girl who promised a second date, I plan on following through. (On a side note, Laura if you are reading this, I'm assuming you must have lost your phone and didn't get my texts/phone calls/voicemails. Send me a private message and we can reschedule. )

In the last thirteen years I've written a lot of screenplays. Most of which haven't been produced. In fact, I could count the number of scripts I've written that have actually been produced on one hand (if I had lost a couple of fingers in a horrible wood chipper accident.)

So that leaves me with a lot of unproduced screenplays. Screenplays that I spent a lot of time and effort on that will never get made. Screenplays that nobody will ever read.

Until now.

Well, at least partly. Over the next few months I'm going to post one scene from each of these scripts, starting from the very first back in 1998, when I was just 22 years old.

Looking back on the last 13 years of screenwriting, I've learned a lot. Mostly that sometimes it takes 13 years of screenwriting to realize that some of what you thought was brilliant at the time was... well, not so much.

Kind of like Laura. (But still send me a private message and we can maybe grab a drink or some tapas or something.)

Even so, there is a part of every one of these stories that I admire and that I'm proud of. I couldn't have got to where I am now without them.

So thanks.

Unproduced Screenplay #1: "Kill The Mascot" (1998)

My first screenplay started in a screenwriting class during senior year at college. Adapted from a novella I wrote after graduating high school, and inspired by countless high school movies I grew up with from the eighties, KILL THE MASCOT tells the story of Kurt, an awkward high school senior loner who falls for the mysterious, unpopular and suicidal Jennifer.

This three page scene is from the final third of the script and takes place in French class between Kurt and Heather, an attractive and popular cheerleader.

Click on each page to read.

Live at The Jon Lovitz Comedy Club

(Mostly) new material, y'all!

Thanks to everyone who came out to support me. And of course all the wonderful girls I've dated.

Step Up

The best films of the eighties all shared one common bond. From Porky's to Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Revenge of the Nerds, Weird Science, Lost Boys and Teen Wolf to The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Some Kind of Wonderful... All were movies that captured, at times brilliantly, what it meant to be young and filled with hope. The best films of the eighties reminded us of that innocent time in our lives where anything was possible.

In the nineties Hollywood attempted to resurrect the eighties teenage film with mixed results. The best films in that period, Clueless, Scream and American Pie were either tributes or parodies. But something was still missing. By the time She's All That premiered in 1999, it was safe to say the golden age of teenage movies was officially dead.

Flash forward to February of 2006 and the release of a little film called Step Up. The movie was set in Baltimore and told the story of the troublemaker teen Tyler Gage (Channing Tatum) who falls for the privileged dancer Nora Clark (Jena Dewan.) Exactly two years later, Step Up 2: The Streets came out, this time following a new dancer, Andie West (Briana Evigan), and her dream to be a street dancer. This coming Friday, Step Up 3D will be released and I couldn't be more excited.

Yes, these films can easily be dismissed as unsubstantive fluff filled with corny dialogue and cliched plot lines. But if you go back and look at how now classic eighties films were received when they were first released, many of the same things were said. In fact, many were true... just as they are now. But just like then, it simply doesn't matter.

Whether you like it or not, Step Up has a place in the cannon of modern cinema. And it's my opinion that there's a reason people like myself are drawn to these films. Besides the fantastic dance sequences and soundtracks, the hip hop dance drama is the last modern film genre to truly recall the hope and innocence of those eighties films we grew up with and loved.

It's the last vestige of a time where we didn't have to worry about terrorism, global warming and rent checks. A time where the most important thing in our lives was our dream... and the girl.