The Best Texts of February

One of my bff's recently got a new phone that keeps track of how many texts are sent back and forth between each person. As you can see, in the few months since he got the phone, there has been a lot of action between us (and also a lot of texts.)

The following are all real texts, without edits, collected this month from across the country. To protect the "innocent", no names and dates are listed.

So how many were from the 1002? Wouldn't you like to know...

I never called her... but I did bang her.

Tell her you are "open to other girl's joining."

I never kid about underage bisexual threesomes.

I found condoms that expired in April 2006 in my stash. Man, I need to get laid more often!

I love the strategic use of the word "cum" instead of "come."

My next google search: "How to password protect text history."

Taking a (spicy) dump, texting you and watching youtube. I love 2009.

I'm sure he has a five year plan with her… to get to first base.

Him, me, two chicks, weed.

I had a three way last night… chat on Facebook, that is.

Bean soup day at lunch. Tell her to put some toilet paper in the freezer.

My next goal: Text updates during lovemaking.

And my personal favorite text of February...

Cockblocking is as offensive as genocide.