Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Best Texts of 2008

In the last twelve months I've personally received and been forwarded hundreds of texts from across the country, all hoping to make this distinguished list. In the end, only a select few could make the prestigious cut.

The following are all real texts, without edits. To protect the innocent, no names and dates are listed.

Well, maybe "innocent" isn't the right word.

“Awesome. Change your facebook status to “test came back negative.”

“My friends mom just walked in on me having sex. Fuck. I could be in trouble. Fuck.”

“Hey…sorry to hear it was a rough wk… On another note, I’d appreciate it if you don’t contact me anymore. Thanks.” (editors note, sent by a girl I was dating.)

"I put vaginal at 65%"

“Could you bring a bottle of Sprite or 7-Up? It’ll be used in conjunction w/ the condoms, don’t worry.”

“I think you had unrealistically high expectations for how a female trucker would look.”

“Bad female timing. Otherwise I’d bang the shit outta him. “

“SKETCHCON-5. Fuck the blonds… this is low-hanging fruit.”

"Laid the foundation for some wild times. Yes, I talked about the beads, in front of her brother.”

“No condom. This crazy chick kept telling me to cum in her.”

“If you don’t bang her you are not a patriot. Sarah Palin will be pissed.”

And my personal favorite text of 2008 is...

“There was a brief moment where I was thinking about checking out the other hole.”

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