Motherf**kers who try to dis

I would love to give a full and detailed explanation for this but I'm not sure that's possible.

GOODBYE 2008

I want to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of my loyal blog readers. My continued inspiration comes directly from you. Both of you.

There are a lot of exciting things in store for 2009.

First off, I plan on getting laid.

I know I say that every year but I really mean it this time. I've even picked out the girl. She's an American Indian/Norwegian/Guatemalan BBW that I met on Craigslist while accidently clicking on the "Erotic Services" link. She's listed under "Mistress of pain."

I know what you're thinking. I don't need to pay for sex. But I think I lucked out because she isn't even charging me. I only have to bring 100 roses to her Compton hotel room and it's a done deal.

Coming soon to the blog, my (non) triumphant return to stand up comedy. I've just completed a new set of hilarious one liners and wacky puns that I will be bringing to the stage/Olive Garden very soon.

And of course, we're close to the most anticipated blog of the year, my top ten films of the year.

Last year marked the ten year anniversary since my debut list in 1998, when Saving Private Ryan took home the top honor. What film will be number one in 2008? The Love Guru? Meet Dave? Fools Gold? Stay tuned.

So as we say goodbye to 2008 and look forward to 2009, I'll leave you in the classiest way possible.

Overheard en route to a house party a few weeks ago:

"I got to get my dick wet tonight!"


Happy new year everyone.