Unproduced Screenplay #6: "Approaching Storm" (2004)

First off, apologies.  My time between posting new blogs has been almost as long as two Kim Kardashian marriages. I'd like to give you a good reason like I was busy doing undercover work at a local high school 21 Jump Street style (1987 TV show style not 2012 feature film style) but the real reason is that I've been too busy listening nonstop to Kanye West & Jay Z's Watch the Throne album.

But I'm back and let's get right back to another one of my (many) unproduced screenplays.

In the summer of 2003 I began working with a producer who specialized in making cheap direct to video sequels of major feature films.  He would buy unused film footage from the original film and combine that with newly shot footage to make the film look more expensive then it would actually cost (ie over $5.)

I was hired to write his direct to video sequel to The Perfect Storm, the 2000 George Clooney film adapted from the non-fiction book by Sebastian Unger, about the crew of the Andrea Gail, a fishing boat that was lost in a 1981 storm on its way back to Gloucester, Massachusetts.

The "sequel" was basically an entirely new fictional story complete with new characters (having the same characters would likely require a-*spoiler alert*-zombie aspect) set in the crab fishing town of Cordova, Alaska.

This is a 1984 flashback scene from the opening of the script.

Next up, my Die Hard/Clear and Present Danger inspired script about a President who takes the White House hostage called Legacy.

Unproduced Screenplay #6: "The Powers" (2000)

The Powers was my first, and only since, attempt at writing an orginal television pilot.  

It is a drama/comedy/thriller/mystery/action/horror/suspense/romance about Daniel Larson, a Los Angeles detective, who returns home to his small Connecticut town twenty years after his parents died from a car accident.  

Or was it an accident?  More importantly, why the hell are there a bunch of evil fallen angels running around town trying to kill people and how is Daniel the key to stopping them?

Here is the opening scene, a flashback to the day his parents died. 

Next up, APPROACHING STORM, a script I was once hired to write as a sequel to The Perfect Storm.  (Yes, I'm talking about the George Clooney movie.)

Unproduced Screenplay #5: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (2000)

Freaks and Geeks, Seinfeld, Veronica Mars, Firefly, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Alias, Homicide...  Some of my favorite television shows of all time.

But the one show that will always stand at the top is Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I started watching Buffy right after I graduated college in 1998 and never missed an episode until the show ended in May of 2003.  The series included maybe the most realistic look at death ever put on television, season five's "The Body", one of the most original TV episodes ever produced, the almost dialogue-free Emmy nominated "Hush" from season four, James Marster's brilliant monologue from season seven, and, of course, my all time favorite episode of any television show-ever-period, the now classic musical episode from Season 6 "Once More With Feeling."

So of course I had to take my own stab (pun intended) at writing a Buffy screenplay.

Here is a scene from "That Campy Feeling," where the gang goes on a seemingly harmless camping trip and runs into some..well, trouble.

Next up, my second television script, an original pilot called The Powers.

Homeless Woman Heckler

Last week I did a show in Santa Monica where I had my first experience dealing with a drunk homeless woman in the audience.

Obviously it was awesome.

Google

I woke up this morning really wanting to know how often lunar eclipses occur.  Google almost got it right.

The JMom.com

My mom recently discovered Facebook.  I fear what's next. 

Sign your mom up now.

Unproduced Screenplay #4: "The Most Gullible Man in America" (2000)

My fourth unproduced screenplay is a comedy about a man named Abraham Lincoln (no relation to the president) who decides to dramatically change his life after finding out he has one week to live from being exposed to a dangerous sexually transmitted disease in prison (involuntarily) after being falsely accused of murdering a nun.

This scene takes place at the end of the film.  Our hero, Abraham Lincoln, has just found out he's not dying of a rare STD from being raped in prison and after breaking up a conspiracy by his wife and brother to use his money to fund deviant sexual experimentation, he arrives at the hotel where Lana, the girl he's truly in love with, works. 

I'm not sure what I'm more proud of.  Being able to pay tribute to a classic moment in Dirty Dancing, one of my favorite films, or the final line of this scene "That penis gave me life and I don't ever plan on giving it back."

Click on each page to read.

 

 

 

 

Next up, my first television script for: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Unproduced Screenplay #3: "Loving Drew" (2000)

My third unproduced screenplay tells the age old story of a detective who falls in love... with a devil worshipper.

This scene takes place during a police raid of a devil worshiping ceremony where John, the detective, runs into Drew, the devil worshipper.

Click on each page to read.

Next up, another comedy:  The Most Guillible Man in America

Unproduced Screenplay #2: "Lie of Youth" (1999)

My second unproduced screenplay was a drama inspired by one of my favorite films, 1980's Ordinary People.   

Lie of Youth is the story of Daniel, a popular college senior who is expelled after his fraternity is involved in a hazing incident where a freshman accidentally dies. When he moves back home he finds himself falling for Emily, the high school sweetheart of the boy who died. 

This scene takes place at a park playground between Daniel and Chris, his best friend from high school as Chris reminisces about the past.

Click on each page to read.




Next up, my first comedy: Loving Drew

Unproduced Screenplays

Happy new year loyal blog reader! (You know who you are.) I know I've been slacking on this blog of late. That's mostly because I've been going on a lot of bad dates. But fear not because it's a new year. So besides a whole new slew of women who will cause me insurmountable pain, frustration, humiliation and different crescendo's of heartbreak, I promise to be a more active blogger.

And unlike that Laura girl who promised a second date, I plan on following through. (On a side note, Laura if you are reading this, I'm assuming you must have lost your phone and didn't get my texts/phone calls/voicemails. Send me a private message and we can reschedule. )

In the last thirteen years I've written a lot of screenplays. Most of which haven't been produced. In fact, I could count the number of scripts I've written that have actually been produced on one hand (if I had lost a couple of fingers in a horrible wood chipper accident.)

So that leaves me with a lot of unproduced screenplays. Screenplays that I spent a lot of time and effort on that will never get made. Screenplays that nobody will ever read.

Until now.

Well, at least partly. Over the next few months I'm going to post one scene from each of these scripts, starting from the very first back in 1998, when I was just 22 years old.

Looking back on the last 13 years of screenwriting, I've learned a lot. Mostly that sometimes it takes 13 years of screenwriting to realize that some of what you thought was brilliant at the time was... well, not so much.

Kind of like Laura. (But still send me a private message and we can maybe grab a drink or some tapas or something.)

Even so, there is a part of every one of these stories that I admire and that I'm proud of. I couldn't have got to where I am now without them.

So thanks.

Unproduced Screenplay #1: "Kill The Mascot" (1998)

My first screenplay started in a screenwriting class during senior year at college. Adapted from a novella I wrote after graduating high school, and inspired by countless high school movies I grew up with from the eighties, KILL THE MASCOT tells the story of Kurt, an awkward high school senior loner who falls for the mysterious, unpopular and suicidal Jennifer.

This three page scene is from the final third of the script and takes place in French class between Kurt and Heather, an attractive and popular cheerleader.

Click on each page to read.