Tuesday, May 26, 2009

iPhones and Cannibals

From last months show in Santa Monica...

I'll be back at the Comedy Store in West Hollywood this Friday night. Belly Room, upstairs. Doors open at 8:30. Show starts at 9:00.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Imitation is Flattery?

Here's a recent article from THE ONION, dated May 12, 2009:

Now here's a clip of my stand up from July of 2008:

Next check out the newest web sensation, TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT, a website the Cincinnati City Beat calls "a collection of anonymous texts that people send in to show how funny/stupid/drunk/slutty they are or their friends are," a website whose Facebook fan page boasts over 83,000 fans since its debut in February of 2009.

Now check out my Best Texts blog, also a collection of anonymous texts that show how funny/stupid/drunk/slutty myself or my friends are, now a regular feature of my blog since its debut in December of 2008.

What's next, guys imitating my patented "two and a half seconds in heaven" lovemaking technique?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Baby Steps

I was at a Kentucky Derby party Saturday with my friends two-year-old daughter. One of my other friends saw me playing with her.

"Wow, I'm surprised you are so good with kids. I think you're going to be a great father."

"Thanks, but I think I need to go on a date first."


Technology can be a great thing but it can also breed laziness.

For example, consider this scene a couple weekends ago when I was walking back to a mall parking lot with my friends, both on opposite sides of me.

"Do you remember where I parked?"

"No, but I took a picture on my phone. Do you want to see it?"

"Yeah, but... you're all the way over there. Can you email it to my phone?"

Love at first shit

As many of you know, it sometimes seems impossible to meet that special someone, especially living here in Los Angeles. (Unless your special someone likes to wear jewelry on his jeans.)

So it's always nice to hear a sweet and romantic first meeting story between two people.

One of my coworkers was walking on the sidewalk to a club in Hollywood one night when, all of a sudden, he got drenched in what can only be described as human feces.

Immediately an attractive young female runs down the stairs of her apartment complex to apologize. Apparently her apartment had overflowed with sewage from the bathroom after her roommate made an extremely poor decision to flush her tampons down the toilet.

Obviously she felt terrible and in order to make it up to my friend, she gave him her number and offered to buy him a drink.

After he showered a few times of course.