The only way I can faithfully describe the sheer exhiliration I felt after reading this text was to imagine how Moses felt after he parted the Red Sea.
One of my east coast friends had managed to turn an extended business trip layover into a risque late night of debauchery with a mysterious lady stranger he had met only hours before at the airport.
Apparently when they met he asked why she was flying. She replied:
"I'm going to court for a D.U.I."
At that moment the sound a Vegas slot machine makes when you hit a ten million dollar jackpot rang through his head.
Four cocktails and two shots later, they were hotel room bound.
And the passengers on the U.S. Air flight thought they got lucky!
MOM ON FACEBOOK
Actual conversation I had with my mother after learning she joined Facebook.
"There is no way you will ever be my friend on Facebook."
"Because! I don't want you seeing wall posts from drunken one night stands."
"Are they Jewish?"
COUNT THE MOVIE CLICHES
BE CAREFUL EVERYONE! THE BANK MIGHT GET YOU!
"Send a message. (Insert gunshot here.)"
"You would have to go outside the system of justice. (Insert door getting kicked open.)"
"They'll get to you... If they can't get to you, they'll get to your family! (Insert cute kids running into the arms of mom)"
"This isn't over... (Insert tearful head shake.)"
STAND UP IS BACK
Move over Dane Cook. My new set will be debuting/bombing in the next week!