The Best Texts of January

After the smashing success of my Best Texts of 2008 blog, (smashing=over five sober readers) I've decided to make this a regular entry.

Lucky for you, I had one hell of a January.

The following are all real texts, without edits, collected this month from across the country. To protect the "innocent", no names and dates are listed.

Please continue to send me your favorites and I'll post them in future blogs. If they make the cut, that is.


"My response after seeing the picture of the girl he hooked up with last night: "Eeesh."

"I love finding pictures of girls from my office on Facebook… In bikinis."

"I can't wait for the day we can text using the microchip implanted in our brain. It will be great during lovemaking."

"We already made out. More to cum." --->

----> "OH SHIT! The cum puns are cummin' out!"

"Tell him to make sure to get her Facebook… It's the sketch trophy of 2009."

"Ask her if she F's."

"Tell him to avoid the herp."

"All he does is have no money or job but bang."

"I am knee deep in BBWs."

"Is it weird to check out the name on a hot girl's boarding pass and then look her up on Facebook?"

"Hooking up with that girl is like an inmate trying to talk himself into a jailhouse BJ."

And my personal favorite text of January...

" Gotta love 'Mad Gas Mondays!' "